The Secret to a Happy Marriage

“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”  -   Henny Youngman

I have no idea who this guy is, but I love this quote. I laughed when I first read it the other day because I immediately thought “The secret to a happy and lasting marriage is quite simply to never run out of half and half.” At least, that seems to be our secret, or more likely an unwritten rule that is completely and fully understood by us both. The few times we do run out of half and half, and one of us realizes it, the one with the foreboding realization simply gets in the car, drives down to CVS with fingers crossed that they are not out of what has saved our marriage over the years.

The other one of us doesn’t have to say anything when the one who runs this marriage saving errand walks in the door. The other is usually staring at the coffee pot, and upon hearing the screeching of the storm door, looks up and nods (without smiling because coffee hasn’t been consumed yet), and stands there waiting for the pint full of cream to be set down gently next to the empty coffee mug waiting to be filled. One must always put in a bit of cream before pouring in the coffee to avoid having to stir. This is a trick I learned from my husband of 13 plus years who worked in the coffee business for over 18 years (you can read about how we both forgot our 13th anniversary here – we’re still together by the way). Having to stir the coffee creates a wet and dirty spoon that causes anxiety because if one is to set it down on the counter, there is a new mess to have to wipe up, and there is no way of knowing if the counter was really clean enough to set it down on in the first place. If one puts it in the sink and the other needed it, frustration arises because it is a long three steps to the drawer that is full of more clean spoons. Those steps are especially hard after having to wait for a new pint of half and half.  

So, another secret to a happy and lasting marriage? Pour the half and half before the coffee. It takes some practice to know just the right amount, but once you’ve got that down, marital bliss ensues. No secret there. Unless you don’t drink coffee. If that’s the case, I’m not sure how to help you.

That is all, for now. More unsolicited marital advice will surely follow at some point. You can stay tuned simply by subscribing.

Thanks for reading (and subscribing if you so choose)

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The Church of the Holy Comforter