I have often found myself seeing someone out in public and thinking "Wow, s/he is really short." Then, upon walking closer, coming to the embarrassing realization s/he is actually a bit taller than me. I then think, "Is this how the rest of the world sees me? Really, really short?" Probably, yes.
Legally, my name is just Jacqueline DeSelms. I've been married for over 12 years, but I still haven't made it down to the Social Security office to change my name. It seems all so complicated and I hate complicated. Yet for some reason, when things get complicated surrounding my name at doctor's offices, the DMV, the bank or any other place that requires one's "legal" name, I don't really care. It seems more complicated to change it all. So, I tell people it's Jacqueline DeSelms-Wolfe in spirit, but for my signature let's just stick with the DeSelms part. Plus, my hand gets tired writing all of those letters, so it seems to make sense to stick with it as it is.
My husband especially likes to explain why our health insurance card is in DeSelms, but his name and our children's names are Wolfe, that we are not divorced and, yes, he most definitely is their father. Somehow, by the grace of God, the whole name ordeal hasn't caused the aforementioned divorce. We are most definitely married, yet when those verifying the name difference look at his ring finger, I'm sure they don't know wether or not to believe him because neither of us wear wedding bands.
It's not that we're opposed, it's just that he lost his 2 years into our marriage and I break out in a rash on my finger after only 2 days of wearing mine. Anyway, we have moved on in life, wedding bands and name changes, or lack there of, not affecting how we feel about each other.
And the JQ part? Friends of ours started calling me that way back in the day and it stuck, but only with them. No one else has ever called me that, but when coming up with a title for my blog, it seemed so much easier to end it with JQ than my 10 letter first name plus my 12 letter last name, hyphen in between.
So, there you have it - Not So Supermom JQ. And that is what I am - not a supermom. Never have been, never will be. It has taken me awhile to know and to trust that not being a supermom, super friend, super wife, or super anything is the best for me because trying to be all of that about killed me. It definitely caused my first divorce, where I did do all the right things like changing my name and wearing my wedding band everyday. We even prayed together to stay together and that didn't work either.
Now I am a very mediocre mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, etc. and I just write about all the things I mess up in life and how it is because of that very mess, and not in spite of it, that I am able to keep going.
Although I am posting all these writings for the world to see, I am truly doing it for me. It is my therapy on top of my paid therapy. It is also my homework, assigned to me by my paid therapist. In a recent session she looked at me and said that not only is it healing for me to do this, but it is also offering permission to others to find their own healing. I'm not sure if she is right or not, but I figure it's worth a try. If I can help in the world's healing process by hiding behind a laptop and not actually have to talk to anyone, I'm in. So, let healing, begin...
(I originally started writing way back in 2011 and although I've transferred a few posts from my original site (here), most of them I left behind to save myself some time, energy and embarrassment over some really not so great writing. Not that this is much better, it's just prettier so it's easier for me to share.)